The 7 Worst Reasons to Keep Friends with Your Ex

Someone is your ex for a reason. But he or she was also an important part of your life for a significant amount of time, and it’s understandable to want to hold onto that relationship in some capacity.

The probability that a friendship with an ex will be a positive rather than painful experience depends in part on your motives.

But according to Juliana Breines, Ph.D. - a postdoctoral fellow at Brandeis University - on her an article was posted on Psychology Today,  when you decide to keep your friendship with an ex, there are 7 reasons that can get you into trouble.

1. You have the same friends.

If your friends and family want you to stay friends with an ex, it doesn’t mean you have to. Staying friends with your ex for the sake of social harmony is a noble goal, but if it’s your only reason for maintaining the friendship, it can be problematic. You have a right to spend time with your friends without your ex present, and you also have a right to decline invitations to events that your ex is also attending.

2. You feel bad for them.

If you initiated the break-up and your ex is not taking it well, the last thing you probably want to do is hurt them even more by rejecting their friendship. But it’s not your responsibility to nurse them through their heartache, and your support may actually make them feel worse.

3. You want to keep tabs on them.

Even if you know that a relationship wasn’t meant to be, it can still be painful to think of your ex finding happiness with someone else. Staying friends may allow you to stay in the loop about their dating life and even give you some influence over it—a tempting prospect. But becoming your ex’s confidant may not benefit either of you in the long run, especially if you have mixed feelings about their efforts to move on.

4. You’re lonely.

Putting yourself in the danger zone of hooking up with an ex may not be worth the short-term comfort. When you’re feeling lonely, turn to friends and family instead, and find ways to make the most of your alone time.

5. You hope that maybe someday they will change.

Maybe you broke up because your ex was unfaithful or drank too much, but you’re holding out hope that they will learn from their mistakes and eventually grow into the kind of partner you want. If your ex senses that it won’t be so hard to win you back, they may be more focused on trying to prove that they have changed than on making real changes.

6. He/She still love you.

If your ex is still in love with you and you don’t feel the same way, the best thing you can do for them is to let them go. Spending time with them might make you feel good about yourself—who doesn’t enjoy being adored?—but it could be painful and confusing for them, especially if it gives them false hope.

7. You still love them.

Being in love with your ex, and secretly hoping to win them back, can be a powerful motivation for staying friends with them, but it’s also unfortunately one of the most dangerous ones. If your ex doesn't want to be with you, there is probably little you can do to change their mind. Trying in vain will only lead to repeated heartbreak and make you feel bad about yourself.

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